Dialogues At The End Of The Search
"Reference Point" (Chapter 9)
Wayne: Some of the new folks want to know what ‘EM’ is all about, and so this is a primer.
“EM” stands for “Ego/Mind.” I have used the term ego/mind for a number of years and recently began to use the term “EM” as a shortcut when speaking about these phenomena. It is important to know how EM operates and what it is.
Since the dawn of recorded history humans have been aware of the fact that they seem to be able to think about themselves; they can reflect upon their own existence. This ability seems to be unique to humans, although we can't know for sure. When religion came into human thought, it brought with it an idea that has for many years now been called the “ego.”
Ego is the shadow side or self-centered thought/idea, which many religions and spiritual organizations teach must be tamed or brought under control. Humans think that if they can only get this ego under control then they will be able to live life as they desire. In many religious circles, much time is spent talking about “my ego” as in “I must bring my ego under control so I can be more forgiving.”
This is where a critical mistake is made, because the individual does not have an ego, the individual is the ego. So when a person talks about “my ego” he is making a critical mistake; unless it is corrected, he will go through life attempting to control a phantom that does not exist. It is a simple fact that the individual as he thinks about himself or as he thinks he is, is the ego itself. The statement, “I must bring my ego under control,” is the ego talking about itself. There is no way the ego can control itself, anymore than it is possible for the eye to see the eye or the tongue to taste itself.
I have often made what for many is considered a radical statement and that is;You are not who you think you are. You are not what your thoughts say you are. When you think about yourself you are not in fact thinking about who you are. In fact, you are thinking a lie. Who you are in fact is Truth. You are the nonjudgmental Witness. The illusion, which you believe, is that you are a person. You think you are an individual in a
world of individuals, but once again this is a lie. And I know who you are in Truth, but since you do not know this, I Speak to you on at least two levels: one to the ego/mind and one to the Heart.
When I Speak to the ego/mind it is obvious, and this is what passes for communication in this world. When I Speak to the Heart I am in fact Speaking to mySelf, which is also yourSelf. We are not separated in the Heart, only in the ego/mind. So, when I say, “I Know who I am talking to,” I mean that I know I am talking to both the Heart and the ego/mind. I do not fool myself that you can Hear me with your mind, because this is impossible; but I also Know that you can Hear my Heart. And I am not fooled by what you say or do.
What the form does in this world has no bearing or consequence for an enlightened person, and this is why an enlightened person is not concerned for the conditions of the world. They are an illusion. The Heart Knows this. But, since most of you only know how to listen with the ego/ mind, that is what I Speak to when I guide you toward the Heart. The ego/ mind can be used in service of the Heart and the nearer one allows oneself to Listen to the Guru the closer the ego/mind comes to the Heart Fire, which eventually (depending upon the willingness of the individual), will consume the ego/mind in its Fire, leaving only a remnant with which to answer, when the guru’s calls.
I See all the games that are played by EM in its attempt to win. The games and strategies are pathetic, yet the guru has deep compassion for the separated EM and Knows the fear that it generates within itself. The guru is not concerned because He/She Knows how it will all turn out. So the Guru comforts those who come willingly to His/Her care and guides those few in the “art” of Teaching.
There is much more to Speak about this and I will to those who are sincerely committed to awakening in this world as opposed to those who prefer to dream - the dream of the ego/mind. And those of you who are committed are obvious, just as obvious as those of you who merely want to get “smarter”. :)
EM: It seems that I have to hear these things over and over as the mind keeps trying to hide them.
Wayne: Yes, in the beginning this is so. Just ask as often as you need but also begin to see the thought “behind” the “need”. :) Some One will
always be here to hold the hand of any that need to temporarily be in company. The lesson is only one - continue to watch the thought behind the thought behind the thought...
EM: Thanks for your patience as I keep asking the same question in different forms.
Wayne: Yes, we all do this. And although you may not see the question as the question: “Who Am I?” nor need you see it this way now. “Who Am I?” is the only question that is always asked, disguised as infinitely many other questions.
It is a question such that although the mind attempts to answer it the mind never can, because the mind cannot know itself. It is a question that no one can answer for you. But you will see the power in the question as you continue to surrender the need for any answers.
Ultimately, You will have no questions but You will allow the mind to continue on its merry way, questioning eternally and You will Know that You cannot be touched, because no thing can touch eternity. You are Peace itSelf.
EM: I am so preoccupied with fixing an external situation, that I do not stop and ask how I might see this differently.
Wayne: You might want to just stop: not stop to ask for anything, just stop. There is a subtle trap in trying to stop thinking about something in order to get something else, in this case, a different view of an external (unreal) situation. That is the concept of “doing to get.” In other words, we do something in order to get something else. When we do this we are saying that we don't like how things are in the present moment so the ego/mind employs a strategy of getting a different outcome. The ego/mind will use religious symbols just as fast as it will use emotional symbols. In other words, the ego/mind will employ the Holy Spirit as its friend in order to get what it wants.
And here is another statement that may help: the ego just wants to be paid attention to. That's all it really wants. You can pay attention to the ego with love just as readily as with negativity. To pay attention to the ego with love, is the basis of the spiritual teaching “Love thyself.”
To just stop, if only for a split second, without any expectations is all the
opening needed to begin Awakening. But to stop as a strategy only fastens the bonds of sleep. To stop without expectation of any outcome at all is to begin to surrender to the unknown. It is the fear of the unknown that makes the ego into a terrible master. It is trying to save you. Help it give up its job. :)
EM: And at times I still don't like the way you put things!! I want you to say them differently - and I get angry with you! Which I notice and sit with, and notice how wrong I make myself for being angry with you.
Wayne: Yes, I understand completely having been there too. I recall many instances when I would sit with Teachers/Gurus who would infuriate me. I would say to myself, “Can't he/she make it clearer? Why all of this mumbo-jumbo? I could do it better,” etc. It wasn't until I surrendered completely and listened to the Teacher with no reservations, that I began to Hear. I dropped all reservations and the strongest one for me, was that the Teacher was going to disappoint me by saying something that I didn't believe. (Of course now I can see that was the whole point.) All that the Teacher did was continually say the same thing in different ways, and that was the question: “Who are You?”
In all my years of searching that was the question that kept getting evaded, because the mind can't answer it. Therefore I kept asking questions the mind could answer and when I would ask “Who am I?” the mind would point me toward a book or Teacher and I would do another lesson hoping that I would miraculously “get it;” this only lead to doing more and more, but then I would do it differently or “better.” It took a long time to see what I was doing: running away from the Truth of who I am.
The Truth of who we are literally scares the hell out of us. And the Truth of who we really are is something that we must discover/Realize for ourSelf, no one can do it for us.Some one else's discovery is of no use to us, but if we Love and Trust the One who points us to this Realization, then we have an elder, as it were, cheering us on. The True Teacher/Guru will not abandon you, nor let you down. Only you can do that.
EM: It seems that to fully experience this Peace I have to be free of conflict. I seem to become free of conflict when I stop fighting myself - when I stop making myself wrong for the reactions that go on in my head. But also
when I stop “justifying” those reactions, or at least, when I notice I am justifying, I am no longer the justification - I am the witness.
Wayne: Regardless of anything you do, you are who you are and that can never change. To put it in the language of many Holy Books, you are the “Son of God”. Now as the Son of God you can think or do anything you like. You can think you are lost, scared, doomed, whatever but that doesn't change anything at all.
When you Realize (again) who you are in Truth, you will still become scared, angry, jealous, etc., but these things won't have the grip they once had. Remember, we are not up to Realizing Peace as a “cure” or an answer for suffering, because that would make suffering real; no, what we are up to is seeing that suffering is not real and the way we see this is in the midst of suffering.
We do not run away from suffering, because this is what you have been doing all of your life, and you know this doesn't work: it just shows up again and again. We are taking a radical approach, an approach that says, “Don't run, go into the core of suffering and see what is there.” We even get more radical in that we don't shy away from suffering - we invite it to us. We look the boogey man in the face without flinching. We don't do this defensively; we just let it come - not as “heroes” but as innocent lambs.
You know as a little boy that the closet could be spooky. Not looking in the closet was scary because something might be in there. The most fearful moment is when you put your hand upon the knob and turned. When the door flew open and nothing was revealed you heaved a sigh of relief. You went into the core of fear and there was nothing there. But once again, although I may have discovered this, my experience can't help you: all I can do is to cheer you on, but you must open the door yourself.
Invite all of the hungry ghosts who yearn to come Home to your Heart. You are the answer. Why do you think fear keeps coming around? :)) Look at fears this way: see it with a sad face; it only wants to come Home to the one who created it. Who is creating this fear? You are. Who after creating it, casts it out homeless? You do. Acknowledge your children and open the doors to Heaven.
Go out to a hill, spread your arms and say, “I welcome you Home, all of
my creations that I cast away. Come Home to me. Your Father awaits you. Make your presence known to me and if I hesitate and bar your way, Teach me acceptance so that I may prepare a table for you in the mansion of my Heart.”
Amen.
“EM” stands for “Ego/Mind.” I have used the term ego/mind for a number of years and recently began to use the term “EM” as a shortcut when speaking about these phenomena. It is important to know how EM operates and what it is.
Since the dawn of recorded history humans have been aware of the fact that they seem to be able to think about themselves; they can reflect upon their own existence. This ability seems to be unique to humans, although we can't know for sure. When religion came into human thought, it brought with it an idea that has for many years now been called the “ego.”
Ego is the shadow side or self-centered thought/idea, which many religions and spiritual organizations teach must be tamed or brought under control. Humans think that if they can only get this ego under control then they will be able to live life as they desire. In many religious circles, much time is spent talking about “my ego” as in “I must bring my ego under control so I can be more forgiving.”
This is where a critical mistake is made, because the individual does not have an ego, the individual is the ego. So when a person talks about “my ego” he is making a critical mistake; unless it is corrected, he will go through life attempting to control a phantom that does not exist. It is a simple fact that the individual as he thinks about himself or as he thinks he is, is the ego itself. The statement, “I must bring my ego under control,” is the ego talking about itself. There is no way the ego can control itself, anymore than it is possible for the eye to see the eye or the tongue to taste itself.
I have often made what for many is considered a radical statement and that is;You are not who you think you are. You are not what your thoughts say you are. When you think about yourself you are not in fact thinking about who you are. In fact, you are thinking a lie. Who you are in fact is Truth. You are the nonjudgmental Witness. The illusion, which you believe, is that you are a person. You think you are an individual in a
world of individuals, but once again this is a lie. And I know who you are in Truth, but since you do not know this, I Speak to you on at least two levels: one to the ego/mind and one to the Heart.
When I Speak to the ego/mind it is obvious, and this is what passes for communication in this world. When I Speak to the Heart I am in fact Speaking to mySelf, which is also yourSelf. We are not separated in the Heart, only in the ego/mind. So, when I say, “I Know who I am talking to,” I mean that I know I am talking to both the Heart and the ego/mind. I do not fool myself that you can Hear me with your mind, because this is impossible; but I also Know that you can Hear my Heart. And I am not fooled by what you say or do.
What the form does in this world has no bearing or consequence for an enlightened person, and this is why an enlightened person is not concerned for the conditions of the world. They are an illusion. The Heart Knows this. But, since most of you only know how to listen with the ego/ mind, that is what I Speak to when I guide you toward the Heart. The ego/ mind can be used in service of the Heart and the nearer one allows oneself to Listen to the Guru the closer the ego/mind comes to the Heart Fire, which eventually (depending upon the willingness of the individual), will consume the ego/mind in its Fire, leaving only a remnant with which to answer, when the guru’s calls.
I See all the games that are played by EM in its attempt to win. The games and strategies are pathetic, yet the guru has deep compassion for the separated EM and Knows the fear that it generates within itself. The guru is not concerned because He/She Knows how it will all turn out. So the Guru comforts those who come willingly to His/Her care and guides those few in the “art” of Teaching.
There is much more to Speak about this and I will to those who are sincerely committed to awakening in this world as opposed to those who prefer to dream - the dream of the ego/mind. And those of you who are committed are obvious, just as obvious as those of you who merely want to get “smarter”. :)
EM: It seems that I have to hear these things over and over as the mind keeps trying to hide them.
Wayne: Yes, in the beginning this is so. Just ask as often as you need but also begin to see the thought “behind” the “need”. :) Some One will
always be here to hold the hand of any that need to temporarily be in company. The lesson is only one - continue to watch the thought behind the thought behind the thought...
EM: Thanks for your patience as I keep asking the same question in different forms.
Wayne: Yes, we all do this. And although you may not see the question as the question: “Who Am I?” nor need you see it this way now. “Who Am I?” is the only question that is always asked, disguised as infinitely many other questions.
It is a question such that although the mind attempts to answer it the mind never can, because the mind cannot know itself. It is a question that no one can answer for you. But you will see the power in the question as you continue to surrender the need for any answers.
Ultimately, You will have no questions but You will allow the mind to continue on its merry way, questioning eternally and You will Know that You cannot be touched, because no thing can touch eternity. You are Peace itSelf.
EM: I am so preoccupied with fixing an external situation, that I do not stop and ask how I might see this differently.
Wayne: You might want to just stop: not stop to ask for anything, just stop. There is a subtle trap in trying to stop thinking about something in order to get something else, in this case, a different view of an external (unreal) situation. That is the concept of “doing to get.” In other words, we do something in order to get something else. When we do this we are saying that we don't like how things are in the present moment so the ego/mind employs a strategy of getting a different outcome. The ego/mind will use religious symbols just as fast as it will use emotional symbols. In other words, the ego/mind will employ the Holy Spirit as its friend in order to get what it wants.
And here is another statement that may help: the ego just wants to be paid attention to. That's all it really wants. You can pay attention to the ego with love just as readily as with negativity. To pay attention to the ego with love, is the basis of the spiritual teaching “Love thyself.”
To just stop, if only for a split second, without any expectations is all the
opening needed to begin Awakening. But to stop as a strategy only fastens the bonds of sleep. To stop without expectation of any outcome at all is to begin to surrender to the unknown. It is the fear of the unknown that makes the ego into a terrible master. It is trying to save you. Help it give up its job. :)
EM: And at times I still don't like the way you put things!! I want you to say them differently - and I get angry with you! Which I notice and sit with, and notice how wrong I make myself for being angry with you.
Wayne: Yes, I understand completely having been there too. I recall many instances when I would sit with Teachers/Gurus who would infuriate me. I would say to myself, “Can't he/she make it clearer? Why all of this mumbo-jumbo? I could do it better,” etc. It wasn't until I surrendered completely and listened to the Teacher with no reservations, that I began to Hear. I dropped all reservations and the strongest one for me, was that the Teacher was going to disappoint me by saying something that I didn't believe. (Of course now I can see that was the whole point.) All that the Teacher did was continually say the same thing in different ways, and that was the question: “Who are You?”
In all my years of searching that was the question that kept getting evaded, because the mind can't answer it. Therefore I kept asking questions the mind could answer and when I would ask “Who am I?” the mind would point me toward a book or Teacher and I would do another lesson hoping that I would miraculously “get it;” this only lead to doing more and more, but then I would do it differently or “better.” It took a long time to see what I was doing: running away from the Truth of who I am.
The Truth of who we are literally scares the hell out of us. And the Truth of who we really are is something that we must discover/Realize for ourSelf, no one can do it for us.Some one else's discovery is of no use to us, but if we Love and Trust the One who points us to this Realization, then we have an elder, as it were, cheering us on. The True Teacher/Guru will not abandon you, nor let you down. Only you can do that.
EM: It seems that to fully experience this Peace I have to be free of conflict. I seem to become free of conflict when I stop fighting myself - when I stop making myself wrong for the reactions that go on in my head. But also
when I stop “justifying” those reactions, or at least, when I notice I am justifying, I am no longer the justification - I am the witness.
Wayne: Regardless of anything you do, you are who you are and that can never change. To put it in the language of many Holy Books, you are the “Son of God”. Now as the Son of God you can think or do anything you like. You can think you are lost, scared, doomed, whatever but that doesn't change anything at all.
When you Realize (again) who you are in Truth, you will still become scared, angry, jealous, etc., but these things won't have the grip they once had. Remember, we are not up to Realizing Peace as a “cure” or an answer for suffering, because that would make suffering real; no, what we are up to is seeing that suffering is not real and the way we see this is in the midst of suffering.
We do not run away from suffering, because this is what you have been doing all of your life, and you know this doesn't work: it just shows up again and again. We are taking a radical approach, an approach that says, “Don't run, go into the core of suffering and see what is there.” We even get more radical in that we don't shy away from suffering - we invite it to us. We look the boogey man in the face without flinching. We don't do this defensively; we just let it come - not as “heroes” but as innocent lambs.
You know as a little boy that the closet could be spooky. Not looking in the closet was scary because something might be in there. The most fearful moment is when you put your hand upon the knob and turned. When the door flew open and nothing was revealed you heaved a sigh of relief. You went into the core of fear and there was nothing there. But once again, although I may have discovered this, my experience can't help you: all I can do is to cheer you on, but you must open the door yourself.
Invite all of the hungry ghosts who yearn to come Home to your Heart. You are the answer. Why do you think fear keeps coming around? :)) Look at fears this way: see it with a sad face; it only wants to come Home to the one who created it. Who is creating this fear? You are. Who after creating it, casts it out homeless? You do. Acknowledge your children and open the doors to Heaven.
Go out to a hill, spread your arms and say, “I welcome you Home, all of
my creations that I cast away. Come Home to me. Your Father awaits you. Make your presence known to me and if I hesitate and bar your way, Teach me acceptance so that I may prepare a table for you in the mansion of my Heart.”
Amen.
