Dialogues At The End Of The Search
"The Absolute Paradox" (Chapter 44)
Wayne: There is nothing you can do to change anything. Nothing. Things are as they are, and if you attempt to change things then that is how they are. Your attempts to change things are just more of how things are. Ego is you. Ego is I. As I sit here and type this, I am aware that I can do nothing to change anything.
I may get mad tomorrow or maybe in five minutes from now, but that is the way it is. If I try and change my behavior then that is the way it is. When I get mad, I really get mad, no fooling, yet at the same time I Know, at a very deep level, that I am not who I think I am. Enlightenment or awakening does not happen to “you” or to any “one.” Enlightenment is beginning to know that you don't exist, and when you begin to Know this, you begin to drop your attachment to “me/I.”
And this happens automatically, by itself. You cannot make it happen because you do not exist. A thought may arise in Awareness that there is a “you” doing things, but it is just a thought, nothing more. None of this can be proven, it can only be Known. But once again, you cannot know it. To be sure, you can begin to understand, and as your understanding deepens your attachment to the one understanding begins to recede.
Ask, “Who am I?” Let this question be your prayer. See if you can find a “you.”
Continue to question me, and if I don't provide some light then ask your questions another way. Before you know it you won't be able to find yourself. :))
EM: Sometimes I go on automatic pilot, or shut down. Stuff gets done, who did it? Guess it was I, but I wasn't really doing. That kind of thing?
Wayne: Yeah love experiments, huh? Okay here's one for you, try and not do what you are doing.:)) If you have any success, let me know. I remember a few years ago on the old List, when I got into this thing with a few of the members, and it seemed like it almost drove some of them nuts. :))
Look at it this way. Can you ever not do what you are doing? Obviously the answer is no, you can't, because you are always doing what you are doing. Probably at this moment, you are staring at these words. Now, could you have not stared at these words? Of course not, you can only say that you didn't have to stare at those words, but that is nonsense. It is this kind of nonsense that passes for sense in the world. People are always going around saying things like, “I shouldn't have done that. What I should've done is this.” Talk about madness...
So the absolute bottom line is that we are always and forever doing what we are doing. Suffering comes in when we don't like what we are doing, but then that is what we are doing, not liking it: but we are not liking it in that moment. The mind is always a step behind, judging.
An old List member said to me in the midst of this dialogue, “Wayne, you are speaking nonsense, but it doesn't bother me because I never read your posts anyway.” I think that was my all-time favorite. :))
“Where ever I go there I am.” – Aristotle
EM: I'm sure you will correct me if I am wrong.... but I thought I have heard you say that we really don't have choices... that we only think that we do. If that is what you have said, I find that very relaxing. These days I seem to vacillate from one day to the next on what path in this life I want to take. I have come to accept that the real truth is that I don't really know what path to take for the better (when I say “the better” I suspect that I am really meaning the path causing me the least pain and the most peace). I have sort of adopted the “Let's take it a day at a time and see which way the wind blows me and when the path becomes obvious I will Know it.” I do have a strong belief however that I am “meant” to go down some particular path... but then perhaps that's just my special-ness coming into play :-)).
There is something very unburdening about the prospect of not really having a choice in the big things that affect one's life. I mean at the very least it relieves one of having to make big decisions. This is sort of a new approach for me. Is this how you live your life? In the past, I have always sort of weighed things up and made a decision, which I then proceeded to follow through. I just wondered if I was on the right track here…or am I just avoiding the decision making process… or perhaps it just doesn't matter what I decide to do...because my destiny is already pre ordained?
I just re read what I have written here and it really does sound like I am a bit mixed up... but I'm beginning to think that even that is allowed :-)))
Wayne: Well, I live my life basically the same as you do, thinking I'm in charge.:)) I make decisions and sometimes wonder if I made the right one or not. If things go my way, I sort of pat myself on the back, and if they don't, I sometimes look around for someone or something to blame. I am just the same as everyone.
Maybe, if there is one thing that is a constant in my life (that may not be so for others), is that I Know I am really not making any choices. I think I am making choices, and I act like I am making choices, but I Know that I'm not. I Know this for a very simple reason - there is no “me” to make any. Yet this does not make me any different from anyone else. The only “real me” is One without a second and that includes you. But that is getting too esoteric.
Simply put, I really (when it gets right down to it) don't give a shit. If Wayne has a bad day, then he does. If someone doesn't like what I do - tough. There isn't anything going on to lose any sleep over. (i.e., The following Speaking is of a Member of EOTS and their deceased mate) Even my Love for Mark is yesterday. Mark added much to my life in his Love for Joy and the boys. He was a gentle, good man, one of the best, and now he's gone from my life but he lives in the One Heart from which he emerged. The pain can go as deep as I want it to. But it is not Wayne that is doing any of this.
Wayne is just a guy who is one hue in the rainbow of humanity, which is all one rainbow. I'm content to be that: just one hue in a multitude of colors that collectively make up the rainbow of humanity. And this rainbow cannot exist without my hue. When Wayne goes it all goes. In the meantime, I'm enjoying it all, even the shitty parts. Especially the shitty parts, because they are my most honest teachers.
EM: I really like the part: “When Wayne goes it all goes.” And they say that living well is the best revenge. Hahaha.
Wayne: Yes, this is the hard part for the individual ego/mind to accept. If it is as I say, that it all goes when I go, then there really isn't anything to strive for.
Wayne/EM will leave no lasting legacy either good or bad. There won't be any legacy at all. Time ends with me. The universe ends with me. A month ago my insurance company raised the premium because I turned 65; I just dropped the whole thing. Wayne Dyer once said something that I liked: “I don't have any life insurance. When I die I want it to be a real tragedy!” :))
I have mentioned before that I always see other people dying, but I don't die. I never die, everyone else does. (Have you noticed that?) Now it would seem that, since I am getting older, I would die sooner or later. That is the way the story goes: We get old and then we die, if not before. That is how the story is written and the script followed. One day it will all just blink off just like it blinked on.
“But just because you die doesn't, mean that I will” murmurs EM. And here's the mystery: it does seem to you that there is a Wayne doesn't it? (After all, who's writing this?) Even though we haven't met, I fulfill all your requirements to be real. Even if we do meet, you will not be more convinced, than you are right now, that I exist. You may even see me die someday. You may get a post from Kaye that says, “Wayne died.” You will also notice that you didn't.
What you don't get is that you are the only one here. I do get that I am the only one here. So how can this be? We both can't be the only one here... can we? All of a sudden the old joke about the Lone Ranger and Tonto comes to mind: The LR and T see the bad Indians coming at them from the North so LR says to T, “Tonto lets ride South” and of course, more Indians come charging out of the South. “Let's go East” and out of the East they come. Finally they turn West and out of the West come more Indians. The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and asks. “Tonto, what should we do?” and Tonto replies, “What do you mean “we” paleface?” :))
In any event, it’s the “we” that is the devil in the works; “we” is separation and every spiritual book worth its salt says that this is a lie. (I should know, I wrote them.) But “we” don't believe it, do “we?” :) Well, I do - actually I don't, because I don't believe in anything except to keep the story going.
This world and all in it, are my creations. You, EM are my creation. Is it any wonder that I Love you so? You can't do anything to make me stop Loving you. Neither can anyone else. All are my children. Sounds nutty, eh? And here's the absolute paradox of paradoxes: you can say with honesty the same thing! I am your creation and so is everything else.
Wayne is showing up in your consciousness, the same consciousness (there is only one), that you show up in for Wayne. It doesn't make any sense to the mind no matter how it tries to figure it out. The mind just gives up and calls me a liar or worse and goes on with its script. It does this because all sensory evidence speaks in the other direction. All evidence points to separation, as it should. It does its job very well, just as it was created to do. There is no way to prove that what I say is True. Not in this world. Therefore any “proof” must be out of this world. But how can there be any, when all proof is sensory and in this world?
I'll tell you all the proof you need, you Know you exist! You do not Know anything else for sure, but you do Know that you exist. You do not need proof of this; you just Know it. You do not Know for sure where you are or how you are, or even what you are, but you do Know that you Are. This cannot be denied. To say “I do not exist” is absurd. But also recognize that the fact that you think you know where, who, and what you are, is completely dependent upon sensory input and its relational meaning - it depends upon duality and separation.
If you were all alone in the universe, would you be everything or nothing? You would be whatever you said you were, and this is True - right now, right here. :)
I AM… totally responsible.
That is either the greatest news or the most frightening, it all depends upon being Responsible… or not.
Wayne… Speaking to himself and telling his EM a story.
I may get mad tomorrow or maybe in five minutes from now, but that is the way it is. If I try and change my behavior then that is the way it is. When I get mad, I really get mad, no fooling, yet at the same time I Know, at a very deep level, that I am not who I think I am. Enlightenment or awakening does not happen to “you” or to any “one.” Enlightenment is beginning to know that you don't exist, and when you begin to Know this, you begin to drop your attachment to “me/I.”
And this happens automatically, by itself. You cannot make it happen because you do not exist. A thought may arise in Awareness that there is a “you” doing things, but it is just a thought, nothing more. None of this can be proven, it can only be Known. But once again, you cannot know it. To be sure, you can begin to understand, and as your understanding deepens your attachment to the one understanding begins to recede.
Ask, “Who am I?” Let this question be your prayer. See if you can find a “you.”
Continue to question me, and if I don't provide some light then ask your questions another way. Before you know it you won't be able to find yourself. :))
EM: Sometimes I go on automatic pilot, or shut down. Stuff gets done, who did it? Guess it was I, but I wasn't really doing. That kind of thing?
Wayne: Yeah love experiments, huh? Okay here's one for you, try and not do what you are doing.:)) If you have any success, let me know. I remember a few years ago on the old List, when I got into this thing with a few of the members, and it seemed like it almost drove some of them nuts. :))
Look at it this way. Can you ever not do what you are doing? Obviously the answer is no, you can't, because you are always doing what you are doing. Probably at this moment, you are staring at these words. Now, could you have not stared at these words? Of course not, you can only say that you didn't have to stare at those words, but that is nonsense. It is this kind of nonsense that passes for sense in the world. People are always going around saying things like, “I shouldn't have done that. What I should've done is this.” Talk about madness...
So the absolute bottom line is that we are always and forever doing what we are doing. Suffering comes in when we don't like what we are doing, but then that is what we are doing, not liking it: but we are not liking it in that moment. The mind is always a step behind, judging.
An old List member said to me in the midst of this dialogue, “Wayne, you are speaking nonsense, but it doesn't bother me because I never read your posts anyway.” I think that was my all-time favorite. :))
“Where ever I go there I am.” – Aristotle
EM: I'm sure you will correct me if I am wrong.... but I thought I have heard you say that we really don't have choices... that we only think that we do. If that is what you have said, I find that very relaxing. These days I seem to vacillate from one day to the next on what path in this life I want to take. I have come to accept that the real truth is that I don't really know what path to take for the better (when I say “the better” I suspect that I am really meaning the path causing me the least pain and the most peace). I have sort of adopted the “Let's take it a day at a time and see which way the wind blows me and when the path becomes obvious I will Know it.” I do have a strong belief however that I am “meant” to go down some particular path... but then perhaps that's just my special-ness coming into play :-)).
There is something very unburdening about the prospect of not really having a choice in the big things that affect one's life. I mean at the very least it relieves one of having to make big decisions. This is sort of a new approach for me. Is this how you live your life? In the past, I have always sort of weighed things up and made a decision, which I then proceeded to follow through. I just wondered if I was on the right track here…or am I just avoiding the decision making process… or perhaps it just doesn't matter what I decide to do...because my destiny is already pre ordained?
I just re read what I have written here and it really does sound like I am a bit mixed up... but I'm beginning to think that even that is allowed :-)))
Wayne: Well, I live my life basically the same as you do, thinking I'm in charge.:)) I make decisions and sometimes wonder if I made the right one or not. If things go my way, I sort of pat myself on the back, and if they don't, I sometimes look around for someone or something to blame. I am just the same as everyone.
Maybe, if there is one thing that is a constant in my life (that may not be so for others), is that I Know I am really not making any choices. I think I am making choices, and I act like I am making choices, but I Know that I'm not. I Know this for a very simple reason - there is no “me” to make any. Yet this does not make me any different from anyone else. The only “real me” is One without a second and that includes you. But that is getting too esoteric.
Simply put, I really (when it gets right down to it) don't give a shit. If Wayne has a bad day, then he does. If someone doesn't like what I do - tough. There isn't anything going on to lose any sleep over. (i.e., The following Speaking is of a Member of EOTS and their deceased mate) Even my Love for Mark is yesterday. Mark added much to my life in his Love for Joy and the boys. He was a gentle, good man, one of the best, and now he's gone from my life but he lives in the One Heart from which he emerged. The pain can go as deep as I want it to. But it is not Wayne that is doing any of this.
Wayne is just a guy who is one hue in the rainbow of humanity, which is all one rainbow. I'm content to be that: just one hue in a multitude of colors that collectively make up the rainbow of humanity. And this rainbow cannot exist without my hue. When Wayne goes it all goes. In the meantime, I'm enjoying it all, even the shitty parts. Especially the shitty parts, because they are my most honest teachers.
EM: I really like the part: “When Wayne goes it all goes.” And they say that living well is the best revenge. Hahaha.
Wayne: Yes, this is the hard part for the individual ego/mind to accept. If it is as I say, that it all goes when I go, then there really isn't anything to strive for.
Wayne/EM will leave no lasting legacy either good or bad. There won't be any legacy at all. Time ends with me. The universe ends with me. A month ago my insurance company raised the premium because I turned 65; I just dropped the whole thing. Wayne Dyer once said something that I liked: “I don't have any life insurance. When I die I want it to be a real tragedy!” :))
I have mentioned before that I always see other people dying, but I don't die. I never die, everyone else does. (Have you noticed that?) Now it would seem that, since I am getting older, I would die sooner or later. That is the way the story goes: We get old and then we die, if not before. That is how the story is written and the script followed. One day it will all just blink off just like it blinked on.
“But just because you die doesn't, mean that I will” murmurs EM. And here's the mystery: it does seem to you that there is a Wayne doesn't it? (After all, who's writing this?) Even though we haven't met, I fulfill all your requirements to be real. Even if we do meet, you will not be more convinced, than you are right now, that I exist. You may even see me die someday. You may get a post from Kaye that says, “Wayne died.” You will also notice that you didn't.
What you don't get is that you are the only one here. I do get that I am the only one here. So how can this be? We both can't be the only one here... can we? All of a sudden the old joke about the Lone Ranger and Tonto comes to mind: The LR and T see the bad Indians coming at them from the North so LR says to T, “Tonto lets ride South” and of course, more Indians come charging out of the South. “Let's go East” and out of the East they come. Finally they turn West and out of the West come more Indians. The Lone Ranger looks at Tonto and asks. “Tonto, what should we do?” and Tonto replies, “What do you mean “we” paleface?” :))
In any event, it’s the “we” that is the devil in the works; “we” is separation and every spiritual book worth its salt says that this is a lie. (I should know, I wrote them.) But “we” don't believe it, do “we?” :) Well, I do - actually I don't, because I don't believe in anything except to keep the story going.
This world and all in it, are my creations. You, EM are my creation. Is it any wonder that I Love you so? You can't do anything to make me stop Loving you. Neither can anyone else. All are my children. Sounds nutty, eh? And here's the absolute paradox of paradoxes: you can say with honesty the same thing! I am your creation and so is everything else.
Wayne is showing up in your consciousness, the same consciousness (there is only one), that you show up in for Wayne. It doesn't make any sense to the mind no matter how it tries to figure it out. The mind just gives up and calls me a liar or worse and goes on with its script. It does this because all sensory evidence speaks in the other direction. All evidence points to separation, as it should. It does its job very well, just as it was created to do. There is no way to prove that what I say is True. Not in this world. Therefore any “proof” must be out of this world. But how can there be any, when all proof is sensory and in this world?
I'll tell you all the proof you need, you Know you exist! You do not Know anything else for sure, but you do Know that you exist. You do not need proof of this; you just Know it. You do not Know for sure where you are or how you are, or even what you are, but you do Know that you Are. This cannot be denied. To say “I do not exist” is absurd. But also recognize that the fact that you think you know where, who, and what you are, is completely dependent upon sensory input and its relational meaning - it depends upon duality and separation.
If you were all alone in the universe, would you be everything or nothing? You would be whatever you said you were, and this is True - right now, right here. :)
I AM… totally responsible.
That is either the greatest news or the most frightening, it all depends upon being Responsible… or not.
Wayne… Speaking to himself and telling his EM a story.
